Carry Me Home
by Leper Gnome
Summary: A whiny redhead, annoying voices and comefrombehind hugs. Poor Mandy. [light BillyxMandy fluffiness]


Another fic, maybe BillyxMandy romance-ish, either that or friendship, I guess. It'll be much lighter than my previous one, 'Never Leave You', but I hope it's at least close to how IC the reviewers said that one was. This one was inspired by 'All The Small Things' by the band Blink 182(both of which I don't own). It's a kinda odd song, but I love it anyway. So, brace yourselves for what may be a kinda odd story.

**Carry Me Home**

What he was asking of her was simply absurd.

…_No,_ she thought in an almost pitying tone, _it's _beyond_ absurd. Even for Billy._

"…Billy, there is no way in this universe or any other that I am…carrying you home. At least, no way that you'll get home in one piece," Mandy stated, her tone dangerously calm. She kept her glare steady on Billy, her hands loose fists.

"But Mandyyyyy!! I'm all tired, 'n…I don't wanna move! C'mon, pleeeeease?!" Billy gave her the infamous Puppy-Dog Pout, his eyes all wide and cutesy, lower lip sticking out and trembling slightly.

Had it been any other boy, _any_ other, Mandy would have neutered them on the spot. Instead, her glare intensified and her fists tightened, knuckles quickly turning white. Billy wasn't fazed. Well, he was sure persistent to not have spontaneously combusted where he stood, she'd give him that. But Mandy was persistent too. "Billy, I don't care how you do it, just get out of my room and_ out of my house_!"

He blinked a few times in order to add to the innocent effect of his expression.

"…You're the one to blame if you're tired; you're the one that ran around my house like the idiot that you are and destroyed everything in sight! I know I didn't command you to do that!"

Billy whimpered.

"…You sicken me." When had she slipped? What had happened so that she loosened her hold on his will, giving him room to rebel as he was? She, for once, had no idea. Sensing he was winning, Billy kneed his way to her, giving his absolute cutest look. She instinctively backed up a step, eyebrows lifting in surprise. She knew she had lost. Her normal frown returned. "Okay, Billy," she sighed, "you win. Only because I don't want to have to rend your head from your shoulders….At least, not in here. It would stain the carpet badly, and Mother and Father should save their energy for more…grueling tasks on my list." (Because cleaning up a boy's blood and remnants was definitely not grueling enough.)

Billy cheered loudly, hugging Mandy around the ankles. She kicked at his arms after a few seconds, and he released her feet, grinning sheepishly. Now, one might think that Mandy's task would be a challenging one, considering she was a ten-year-old girl and the boy she was now to carry, though he was the same age, was a couple inches taller and probably several pounds heavier. But that would be underestimating Mandy, it seemed, as she bent down and picked up the redhead, right arm under his knees, left arm at his back. Billy was slightly surprised, but decided, well, it was Mandy. He lost that thought, however, as his head ,ahem, accidentally smacked into the doorway as they exited Mandy's room. He squeaked, half in surprise, half in pain. "Oops," Mandy muttered, the sarcasm in her voice painfully obvious. Not obvious enough, though, for a negative-five IQ to handle.

"Oh, that's okay, Mandy! There's nothing important in there anyway, and I knows you didn't do it on purpose 'cause you're mah best friend!" Billy exclaimed, hugging the blonde tightly around the neck. Their close proximity was unnerving to her, and that realization frightened her more.

"Okay, that's enough." He immediately released her, but kept an arm draped over her shoulders. Her eye twitched, but she'd get him back eventually.

'_Just like you'll 'get him back' for when he shoved your best hairbrush and toothbrush up his nose and said he was a walrus? Or when he took your dollhouse to school on Career Day and set it on fire, saying he wanted to be an arsonist?'_ a snippy voice in her head remarked. Mandy made a mental note to dispose of that voice as soon as possible. _'Hey! I saw that!'_ the voice cried, referring to the mental note.

'_Oh, hush. Leave the poor girl alone,'_ another voice told the snippy one; this one had a light British accent and Mandy could practically feel its upturned nose. _'Don't you know how stressful a young lady's first crush can be? Put yourself in her shoes.'_

'…_Wait, _what?!_'_ Mandy interjected inside herself, eyes widening slightly on the outside.

'_Well, it's obvious, dear, that you fancy this young lad! I know you well enough to know that you don't let up on just anyone…'_

'_Oh, hush. Don't put so much more stress on the poor kid,'_ the sarcastic voice said, its tone bitingly mocking.

'_Shut up, both of you, before I rip your lips off. And, before you say anything, I'm fully aware that you are both disembodied voices, but _I_ can make it possible.'_ Mandy threatened in her head whilst kicking her front door open in the real world. Both voices fell silent after that.

"Hey, Mandy," Billy said, lifting his head to look at Mandy.

"What is it now, Billy?"

"A minute ago, you was makin' a whole buncha weird faces. How come?" he asked.

For once, possibly for once in her life, Mandy faltered at Billy's innocent question. After a moment, she responded. "I was thinking, Billy."

"About what?"

"…Things I'd rather not think about." This statement was half true. Half of Mandy wanted to loathe Billy, to dump him on the sidewalk for doing this his her(at best). But the other half, the girly side of her that had only come out when Piff was the object of her light affections, the side that had been(hopefully)forever condemned by Mandy since the end of that episode, was completely ga-ga over this…thing.

"If you don't wanna think about," Billy continued, insisting on assaulting her with questions, "then why are ya?"

"…You know, Billy, you actually asked a question that was remotely intelligent." Billy was silent, probably not understanding half of what she had said. "But, to answer your question, I'm…not quite sure."

Now, as you probably know all too well, Billy is an imbecile. Half the time the sentences he puts together are barley coherent, and when they are, people sometimes wish they hadn't been. He has quite possibly the shortest attention span in the country, at the very least, and he does some things that I'd rather not describe. But when Mandy told him that she didn't know the answer to his question, he sure understood that.

"Mandy…doesn't know something?...Ohmygawd!! I think it's the apple-call-apes!!"

Mandy cocked an eyebrow. "You mean the apocalypse?"

"…It's the apocalypse too?! Oh nooo!!!!" He then began screaming at the top of his lungs. Unfortunately, Mandy's ear was about ten inches away from his mouth. It was rather painful, and if you ever caused Mandy some level of pain, that was bad. Very bad.

**BILLYXMANDYOWNSALLokayI'mdone**

Several minutes later, Mandy kicked open the front door to Billy's house, carrying a beaten-looking Billy in her arms. Harold and Grim looked up from the television program they were watching, and Gladys looked at Mandy, utmost fear in her eyes. The tray she carried began to tremble violently, the open soda cans on it rattling and spilling their contents.

"H-Hello, Mandy, so n-n-nice to have you over. How was your d-day?" she stuttered, trying to smile.

"Pleasant enough," Mandy shrugged, depositing Billy on the couch next to Grim. Billy, despite his bruises and cuts, jumped into a sitting position and stared at the television screen, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth.

"Hi, Billy! Did you learn anything at Mandy's today?" Harold asked lightly, looking at his son.

"Yeah, I learned that if you scream real loud in Mandy's ear, she gets all mad and slams your head against trees 'n stuff!"

"That's great, son!"

Grim looked at Billy, his eye sockets narrowing in a wince for the boy's benefit. Then he turned to Mandy. "What did you do to de poor boy, mon?"

Mandy shrugged again. "I punished him for being too loud. I think I did so in a calm and fair way."

"'Calm'? 'Fair'? Ya practically beat 'im within an inch of 'is life!"

"…And…?"

Grim shrunk back from the frightening girl, looking almost humorously small. Mandy turned and began to walk to the door. But as he put her hand on the door knob, Billy suddenly hugged her from behind. "Thanks for takin' me home, Mandy! You're the best!" The action was so brief and surprising that Mandy didn't have time to get angry before he had released her. Then she realized what had happen, and glared at the door.

"Never again, Billy, or else I'll invade your dreams and smite you a different way in each one." Mandy could have sworn she heard a tiny scoff at the back of her head, followed by a sigh. Billy looked at her blankly for a moment, before brightening up again.

"Okie-dokie! G'night, Mandy!" he called, waving wildly. Mandy sighed and exited the house, closing the door behind her.

"Goodnight, Billy."

**Termino**

Well, this was fun to do. 8P I think I might've made Mandy a bit too…easy on Billy, I guess, but it's funny anyway, right? I turned out much more BillyxMandyish than I had thought, but I still like it. Are and Are, pleasenthanks!


End file.
